Posts Tagged ‘get back with your ex girlfriend’
The Ex Back Factor - Top Tip For Reconciling With Your Ex Girlfriend or Ex Boyfriend
If your break up was sudden, no doubt you have many questions you would like to ask your ex. Your natural instinct is to find out right away what was the reason behind the break up and if there is any question of you getting back together. One of the worst mistakes you can make in the post break up period is trying to get in touch with your ex too soon. Here are some specific examples of activities you should not be engaging in for the first few weeks after your break up:
- Calling your ex on the phone. Never leave a message! If you have been drinking or are feeling emotional, this is especially important.
- Repeatedly text messaging your ex (commonly referred to as “text message terrorism”)
- Calling your ex’s friends and family to talk to them about the break up.
- Repeatedly checking their on line social media sites (Facebook, Twitter) to see what your ex has been up to or see if they’ve added new friends. Obviously, you should not make any posts or Tweets. That’s a quick way to ensure that your ex dumps you off their “friends” list.
Most relationship gurus say that the best strategy after a break up is to observe a “no contact” period. In his excellent resource, “The Magic Of Making Up”, make-up expert T.W. Jackson gives specific, proiven strategies of what you should and should not be doing to get your ex back in that critical period just after the break up. His experience has been that people are most successful when they do not try to initiate contact with their ex for at least 30 days. The time right after a break up is stressful and emotional and you don’t want to make decisions out of panic. You should send of an “I’m doing fine” vibe. Give the impression that you are moving forward and do not give any hint of being needy or desperate.
What happens if your ex is the one to initiate contact? This is a common time for people to fall into the “premature reconciliation” trap. Perhaps our ex is just politely calling asking for some stuff back or to see how you’re doing. Be sure to stay calm! Now is absoluely not the time to start apologizing or begging to be taken back. Be sure to check your ID before you answer the phone. If you are feeling fragile you should let voice mail pick up and leave them in suspense for a couple of days before calling back. If you are caught unawares, just keep the call brief and polite. If needs be, say you were on your way out the door (to meet someone!). What you should project is “I agree with this break up. Before we talk again we could both benefit from some time and space”.”
When your ex asks to meet up with you to talk try to set up a “fun” date of a limited duration. This is not the time to post mortem your break up over an emotional dinner. Instead of dredging up the past, you need to have a meeting where the atmosphere is light and fun. The point here is to make connecting in a positive way the focus. This is the ideal opportunity to show your ex the side of you that they originally fell in love with . Meetiing at a coffee shop or a bowling alley would be a good suggesion. Make sure to move slowly during this phase. Don’t indulge in the fantasy that just because your ex wants to talk to you they are giving you an invitation back into a serious relationship.
If you remember these points you will have a better chance for success.